


apotheosis

by chevrefoil



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, dark knight 80 quest spoilers, fraywol kinda, i say that but it’s like mildly related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 17:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19834768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chevrefoil/pseuds/chevrefoil
Summary: we don’t need to shout to be heard anymore.





	apotheosis

**Author's Note:**

> SHADOWBRINGERS SPOILERS _AND_ DARK KNIGHT 80 QUEST SPOILERS; DONT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED EITHER!!!
> 
> or go ahead i won’t stop you lmao
> 
> there are mistakes. i know it. please bear with me i had to get this out there as a treat to myself after Everything.

From here, the fields of bright, sweet scented flowers seem to stretch on forever. A little way to the left, the early morning sun reflects off the clear water of the lake; if you squint, you can see the remnants of Voeburtine architecture beneath the glassy surface. More often than not, you came here to appreciate the beautiful landscape. To reflect. As Ryne had said, it truly felt like stepping right into a faerie tale, and sometimes you needed that escape when your private room in the Pendants or the mournful silence of Amaurot could not suffice. 

You had come here for neither yet both of those reasons. It would make sense later, you think, carefully walking alongside the cliff edge. A tumble wouldn’t kill you, but it would hurt and bring scores of pixies ready to laugh at you till they were blue in the face. 

Rielle would find it pretty, you think. As for Sid… well, if he could make it through the well meaning but annoying antics of the moogles relatively sane, he  _ might _ have a chance of surviving the pixies. Still, you weren’t sure he’d make it. Even with your renowned and “seemingly infinite” patience, as Alisaie had aptly put it, they had begun to get on your nerves, too. With the way he is (and the way  _ they _ are)? The pixies would probably eke out a neat lead on the furry beasts on the ‘small flying creatures with a death wish’ scale. 

The idea of it makes you chuckle. They, of course, would not be crossing over into this shard or any other anytime soon. They would just have to be content with the story you tell once you make it back—and maybe some pixie-approved trinkets. 

Finally, you find the spot you want. The flowers here were shorter than most and offered you a good view of Il Mheg. This was as good a place as any for what you wanted to do. Not terribly cold like Ishgard, unbearably hot like Thanalan, balmy and salty like La Noscea. Someplace nice and warm but you were no less known than you had been back on the Source. 

You won’t ever be, as long as you walked this course. You’d never truly be alone, as you had thought you were. 

As you had been. 

You close your eyes. You can still see the Shelves in your mind’s eye, the overgrown sheep pens with pixies fluttering about tending to the sheep in their haphazard manner. You focus on an image of the lake beneath Titania’s castle instead. Water clear as crystal, cool and pleasant, hiding ancient history beneath. You take a deep breath and exhale slowly. You concentrate. The sounds of morning birdsong and soft wind drifting through the trees quiets, rewarding you with pleasant silence. You needn’t stretch out your hand any longer—you’ve grown so much, it feels like second nature to tap into that part of you. It seems forever ago since your last communion, since your last confrontation. 

Your heart, bared for them to see. 

_ What are you yearning for?  _

You don’t know; at least, not yet. 

_ Focus _ . 

Inside, you feel it—the other you amongst the swirling abyss, amidst the steady beat of your heart. “Fray,” you call out; just as you had in front of the Gates of Judgement, just as you had in the Sea of Clouds. You know he hears it—he’d been waiting for you to reach out for him for so long. You hadn’t accepted him fully yet. You hadn’t been ready yet. 

_ And now you are— _

“—aren’t you?”

You open your eyes at his words, a smile already pulling over your lips. He stands beside you, your shade, and stares out over the pink fields and bright green leafy trees. He makes a satisfied hum and nods in approval. “Better than the last place, if you ask me. And,” he adds, his voice strangely light, “thankfully free of unnecessary distractions, for once.” He turns to face you, golden eyes bright. “Good to see you, hero.”

“It's good to see you, too,” you say. It is. It truly is. Even though you are him and he is you, your gratefulness knew no bounds when it came to your shadow. Even when you had been flooded with light—when you were  _ dying _ —you had felt your darkside urging you onwards. 

_ One step at a time, hero _ .  _ Until you drop dead, the battle isn’t yet over.  _

“And so here you are: your life spared and another realm saved thanks to your efforts,” Fray says. “Two, I suppose, counting your own.” You can imagine the proud but small smile hiding behind his helmet. His eyes, sharp and a little bit warmer, match well with the light red flowers that reach a little below his waist. He crosses his arms and studies at you, concern faint in his voice. “...Are you well?” 

You nod. You know what he’s asking. Nearly dying is one thing; nearly dying and turning into a nigh unstoppable sin eater is another. Crisis averted, though you had slept like a log the day after. And now, as always, you had entered the brief but kind lull after dealing with whatever threats needed dealing with at the moment. They came few and far in between and you’d be remiss to not take advantage of them before leaping right back into the middle of conflict. “As well as I’ll ever be.”

Both of you fall silent. The wind tickles your face and the faint twinkle of pixie laughter reaches your ears. You can't tell if it’s  _ at  _ something or  _ with _ something; you pray it’s the latter. There’s so much to say to him, even though you don’t need to. This is fine, too. Words could be shared over and over; experiences like this couldn’t. Just being here would be enough for you. 

Fray clears his throat, though, and breaks you out of your thoughts. “Start from the beginning, if you would. I’d... like to hear it.”

You stare at him, confusion etched on your face. 

“Stop gawking at me like that. I know you heard me,” he says. “From when you stepped into the First and when you left—tell me about it. And before you say anything—and don’t deny that you weren’t going to—yes, I’m well aware of what happens. Still, I’d like to hear it from you, in your own words.”

An odd request, but you can't refuse him. You tell him of waking up on the ground with glaring light overheard and unnaturally purple trees around you. You tell him of the kind trader you met who had directed you to the Crystarium, of his fate when you meet Lyna and set eyes on your first of many sin eaters. The Crystal Exarch, an old friend that you only had the faintest of suspicions about concerning his identity, running out to greet you and lead you the rest of the way. Everything from meeting up with your scattered friends and forging bonds to make new ones to the awe you felt riding stop Bismarck into the Tempest. The slaying of each Lightwarden and taking their light into yourself—and the toll it took on you once it got to be too much. The fall of Innocence and the return of the light because of you. The city of an ancient civilization and the fervent desire of one of its former members to return it back to life. 

From the beginning to the end, you think he’s going to interject but to your surprise, he doesn’t. Instead, he listens with rapt attention, nodding in approval at certain parts and inclining his head as if remembering the events that took place at others. When you reach Amaurot, he exhales slowly. You can tell he wants to speak; perhaps it’s been on his mind ever since you struck down Hades in the skeleton of his constructed city. Still, he waits till you’re finished before voicing himself. 

“And what do you think?”

“Of?”

“Of everything you’ve told me. Of what you’ve experienced in this world so similar yet not quite the same to our own.”

“I… I don’t know.” 

“Don’t rush to think of some bullshite, now. We don’t need an answer immediately. Whether tomorrow, or the day after. Maybe never,” he says, humor in his voice. “But I’ll know when you know.”

Fray takes off his helmet—it’s your face, of course, but with those golden eyes instead of your natural ones. They shine so beautifully, like pieces of precious amber only for you to see. He closes the distance between you and him in a few steps, and you can only think about how out of place he looks in such dark, brooding armor as he does in a bright place like Il Mheg at this time of day. 

How out of place  _ you _ look to be wearing it yourself, even as the ‘Warrior of Darkness’. 

He smiles ever so slightly, and in that particular way that makes your chest feel tight when you look at him. “We don’t need to shout to be heard anymore,” he murmurs. Fray takes your hand in his and places it on your chest, right over your heart. “And you’ve gained the voice you’ve always had within you. Not mine, or anyone else’s— _ yours _ .”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you answer, your voice cracking slightly, “or them. You gave me these words when I couldn’t find them myself yet.”

Fray laughs with your laugh, and it sounds so bittersweet to your ears. “Gods above, I’d like to see you say that to  _ his  _ face. A sincere note of appreciation from you would send him reeling. Make sure you make him sit before you do so, warrior.” He closes his eyes, still clutching your hand like a lifeline. You couldn’t imagine what he was thinking of, holding onto to you like this. 

The past? 

The future? 

He opens them and tilts his head to the side ever so slightly. “But I would hear it from you. What are you, my other half, yearning for?”

You already know the answer to that. 

“Nothing,” you reply with a smile. “I already have it. You gave it to me. ”

It’s inside of you, deep down in the place you had given to your darkside with the roar of the fierce Coerthan wind at your darkside and the weight of a steel claymore heavy in your hand. It’s inside you, and not as infinite as your kindness or patience. It is a rare, precious thing—and you’ve just enough of it to keep wielding your sword in pursuit of that unknown future: for yourself, for your friends, for the ones you’ve lost and the ones you can yet save. 

And there’s a small part reserved just for him, your shadow. 

Fray gives you a resigned sigh and lets your hand fall back to your side. He crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head in mock disappointment. “Ever the altruist. Close your eyes, then. I’ve something else to leave with you.”

You follow his command and let your eyes fall closed. “What is it?” you ask. You’d like to think you know, but Fray was often full of surprises. 

“A simple trick. You already know how to do it—I’m just giving it a little something extra. Thank me later.” 

You frown at that. “Wait, what do you mean I already know how to do it—”

When you open your eyes, your shade is gone. The touch of him still lingers on your skin, the sound of him still echoes in your ears. He hadn’t needed to say it. You don’t know when you’ll speak like this again. Tomorrow, or perhaps the day after. Maybe never. At least, though, you had said it. You’d consider it a confession of sorts, though you know that he’s known how you felt all this time.

Ever since Whitebrim. 

Ever since meeting Sid and Rielle. 

Ever since standing alongside him to tame the unruly, well meaning piece of your heart that longed for forgiveness. 

Ever since accepting yourself for who you are, with all your cracks and flaws and your hands stained deep with blood—yours and others, and those in the future.

_ And well—we’ve come a long way, haven’t we? _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> me: maybe i’ll write a fic to express how we got living shadow as an ability  
> me: *writes this instead and slaps an unrelated title on it*  
> me:  
> me: okay i can live with this
> 
> dark knight once again giving me eternal feelings. at first i thought the letter had been written by fray (YEAH IM DUMB LMAO) but then being taken through the places we’ve been with him, and us calling out to him in front of the gates like we did in hw drk quests and that cutscene after—i’m broken but in a good way, because it really is closure for us. 
> 
> please let us see fray again though i’m not ready to move on and living shadow just isn’t the same!!!!!!


End file.
